Thursday, 6th May 2021

Football club that's 'more than just a football club' just a football club

A FOOTBALL team that claims it is somehow more than that is full of crap, it has emerged. 

Liverpool FC, who have frequently claimed they ‘mean more’ than just football, were flatly contradicted by Premier League officials, scientists and philosophers.

A Premier League spokesman said: “We can confirm that Liverpool FC are a registered Premier League team who, if they’re not losing again, entertain fans with sport in return for lots of money.

“When they win, they gain three points. If they get more points than all the other teams they are presented with a piece of silver for a bit. There is nothing more to it than that.”

Theologian Dr Nathan Muir said: “People have described Manchester United as a ‘religion’ but they have none of the moral or spiritual teachings of Islam, Catholicism or Buddhism. They’re more about selling shirts and pies and stuff.”

Meanwhile Arsenal’s claims that they are a ‘family’ were ridiculed by scientists. 

Anthropologist Donna Sheridan said: “Arsenal in no way conform to any family model known to civilisation. Families have babies and live in the same house. 

“Also, families don’t change their entire personnel every few years or charge members £50 to see each other.”