THE media is to cease reporting football results that, like Chelsea beating Hull, are entirely expected by everyone.“Events have transpired as expected”
The media has decided to stop wasting valuable pages and airtime on matches which unfold exactly as anyone would have predicted with only minor numerical variation.
Mirror editor Tom Booker said: As journalists say, man bites dog is news and Arsenal beat Newcastle four-one at home isnt.
Its the equivalent of a front-page headline alerting the readers to the prospect of rain at the weekend, which we dont do because were not the Daily Express.
From now on games which finish exactly as anyone would have guessed, like City beating Palace next weekend, will get a one line write-up on page 47, just under the English Kabaddi Federation finals.
Games between mediocre teams that are evenly matched, like United against Liverpool, will get two paragraphs next to the advert for hair loss cream and white vans.
Only matches with genuine surprises, like Spurs losing six-nil to Bradford Park Avenue, will get the full headline-and-photo treatment. And even then only the first time it happens.
Nil-nil games get no write-up at all, because nothing happened.
QPR fan Wayne Hayes said: Under this system Chelsea, who can be reasonably expected to win every game this season because everyone else is a bit shit, will become champions without it being reported in the press at all.
That sounds top. Im happy with that.