Friday, 14th May 2021

Gary Neville's post-match analysis of armed insurrections and military coups

AS football punditry’s Che Guevara, it’s not just revolutions at Old Trafford that get my backing. Check out my post-game analysis of these world events: 

The Cuban Revolution, 1958

You have to hand it to the Castros there, they’ve played an absolute blinder. For a while I’ve been warning that the Batista government was there for the taking because it’s become complacent that US backing made it unbeatable. There’ll be some red faces on the CIA bus home tonight.

The fall of the Berlin Wall, 1989

You can’t just set up defensively and unimaginatively and expect to take something away no matter how good you are, and that’s what these East German lads are discovering now. Park the bus for 38 years, but all it takes is one opening and the whole thing crumbles. Sympathy to the boy Erich Honecker but once you’ve lost the dressing room.

The storming of the US Capitol, 2021

Disgraceful organisation. Where are the tactics? You get behind their press and you’re milling about looking for someone to take the lead like Kevin Keegan’s Newcastle. If it needed proving that far-right politics simply don’t have the conviction to secure a win, then it’s right here. Communism all the way for me.

The failed Jeremy Corbyn leadership coup, 2016

You can’t launch a coup attempt and then have Owen Smith playing up front. The lad would struggle in the Championship. Corbyn may be old, but he’s got that extra half-a-yard in his head. Useless in attack though.

Jose Mourinho, Real Madrid 2013, Chelsea 2015, Man United 2018, Spurs 2021

It’s been coup after coup for this autocrat, proving that erratic ego-led dictatorship has had its day. Time after time we see the people come together and rise up as one demanding the toppling of the old regime. Should be tried for his crimes in The Hague.

The Russian Revolution, 1917

Now this is absolute class from Lenin and his squad. Sweeping in, overthrowing the corrupt Tsarist regime, just mercilessly extinguishing that whole Royal line, abolishing private property, giving the workers full control of the means of production. Textbook. That’s what we want to see, except at Salford FC which I own with my millionare mates.