Gerrard retirement speech 'accidentally' ruined by Lampard

AN emotional speech confirming Steven Gerrard’s retirement from England duty has been marred by loud praise from Frank Lampard.

England manager Roy Hodgson instructed Gerrard to take a seat across the room where he was almost inaudible and looked uncomfortable. Lampard was then told to sit next to Gerrard for no apparent reason and kept piping up.

Journalist Bill McKay said: “I thought a player like Gerrard would be able to produce a much more effective retirement at international level, but it just didn’t happen.

“Gerrard began to speak about his pride at having represented his country, but he was immediately drowned out by Lampard who was trying to warmly compliment his contribution.

“They both stopped before both starting again at exactly the same time.

“Hodgson did his best to direct things, but it just made the situation worse.”

Critics have suggested the press conference may have gone more smoothly had Gerrard been alone or possibly accompanied by Jordan Henderson.

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Man with shaved head and beard is going bald on his terms

38-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan is controlling his hair destiny by shaving his head and growing a beard.

Swindon resident Logan said: “Fuck the onset of male pattern baldness, I can still have a lustrous head of hair, albeit on the chin part of the head.

“Ageing homosexuals and American hillbillies have been rocking this look for years but we straight men have finally plucked up the courage to get topsy-turvy.”

Logan’s girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “I like it although he does look very slightly like a drug dealer’s henchman in a low-budget action film.”