Hard kid from down the park tops FA list

THE hard kid from the park who always gets first pick of players has been tipped to replace Sam Allardyce.

The Football Association has sounded out the hard kid during secret talks outside the Londis next to the park. His weekly wage demands include six packets of Flamin’ Hot Monster Munch, 20 Lambert & Butlers and unlimited use of an Xbox.

An FA spokesman said: “Hard Kid has an impressive record of beating his mate Deano’s team week in and week out, playing exciting, attacking football often using a revolutionary 2-3-7 formation and rush goalie.

“Hard Kid is also a strict disciplinarian who is not afraid to pull down a miscreant’s pants when there are girls watching.

“He claims his dad is in the SAS, and we believe he may be telling the truth.”

However football analyst Stephen Malley said: “Hard Kid’s tactics are predictable, he always plays the fat boy in goal and insists on a defence made up of players whose voices haven’t broken yet.

“Also he has a criminal record from when he opportunistically stole a tray of plums.”