International football ‘complete waste of time if you think about it’

THE World Cup 2018 qualifiers have been marred by a nagging awareness that there’s absolutely no point in playing them.

The second half of Wales-Moldova ground to a halt as players began to realise the complete futility of the match, the qualifying competition and human existence.

Gareth Bale said: “It suddenly dawned on me that ultimately there was no point in completing a hat-trick against Moldova.

“When you think about it we’ve got to play Serbia and Ireland and Georgia and Austria twice and then Moldova again, then if we’re lucky we qualify for the World Cup, which we’ll be eliminated from anyway.

“Plus in the end everyone you’ve ever known will die.”

England’s opening qualifier against Slovakia was delayed by 15 minutes due to malaise and during the second half Wayne Rooney openly started painting a water-colour of a monastery while sat on the halfway line.

Rooney said: “Around an hour in after our 15th unsuccessful cross, it occurred to me that I’d come to Trnava, a charming Slovak city with strong Gothic influences, and all I was doing was belting a ball around aimlessly.

“So I guess the three points were put into perspective by the sudden awareness of the narrow focus my life has taken and the essential impermanence of everything I’ve ever achieved.”