Cradle of Filth endorse Owen Smith

GOTH metal band Cradle of Filthhave confirmed their support for Owen Smith as the next leader of the Labour party.

Following UB40’s endorsement of Jeremy Corbyn, Cradle of Filth said they think Owen Smith embodies a more progressive, centrist approach that will resonate with mainstream voters.

Singer Dani Filth, currently on tour promoting the band’s new album Hammer of the Witches, said: “Jeremy Corbyn has promised a £500bn boost to the economy which sounds great, but I’m not sure it’s realistic.

“Owen Smith proposes a more modest £200bn figure, partially funded by raising capital gains tax from its current rate of 20 per cent, which although not radical seems to make good fiscal sense.

“As a band we’re split on the notion of a second EU referendum, but if voting was to be done in graveyards at midnight we’d probably be in favour.”

“Smith gets pigeonholed as a Blairite but then we get pigeonholed as a Satanic metal band which isn’t strictly accurate either.”

A spokesman for Owen Smith’s campaign said: “It’s great to have the Filth on board. The way it’s looking we’re going to need absolutely every vote we can get.”


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Keith Vaz not going to resign because Labour doesn’t really do that anymore

DISGRACED MP Keith Vaz has refused to resign because that is not how Labour works these days. 

Vaz has advised colleagues that hugely negative media coverage, polls showing massive unpopularity among voters and any vote of no confidence will be ignored, because we are in an era of a kinder, gentler politics. 

He said: “As Jeremy Corbyn said I have not committed any crime, voters only think I should resign because the traitorous parliamentary Labour party has plotted against me. 

“Everyone needs to focus on the upside rather than being really judgemental and negative.

“I remain confident I could draw the same numbers to public speaking events around the UK as a mid-level indie band, like maybe Shed Seven or Carter USM if they are still going.”