Ipswich fan crashed Lamborghini into Tate Britain while celebrating goal

IPSWICH Town winger Paul Anderson is under pressure to pay for goal celebration damage running into hundreds of millions.

Anderson previously offered to cover the damage when one jubilant fan punched a hole in the ceiling after his vital equaliser against Norwich.  

He has since been contacted by 36-year-old Wayne Hayes, who was so overwhelmed by Anderson’s goal that he crashed a high-end Italian sports car into the Tate Britain, causing a fire that destroyed the building, all its contents, and several surrounding homes.

Hayes said: “I was listening to the match in my brand new Lamborghini Gallardo LLP 550-4 when Ando slotted home. Letting go of the steering wheel to punch the air, my car spun out of control and careered into the massive gallery full of priceless art.

“Mercifully, I emerged unscathed, but the car was a write-off and everything around it was on fire. I have DM’ed Ando my address and I look forward to receiving my replacement supercar within a week.”

He added: “The Gallardo that I crashed while celebrating Ando’s goal was also a LLP 550-4, but it was yellow. So if Ando can bear that in mind when he’s buying it, because I really would prefer metallic blue.”

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Grant Shapps to join Wu-Tang Clan

GRANT Shapps has announced plans to join a rap group that actively encourages the use of multiple pseudonyms.

After being sacked from cabinet in David Cameron’s reshuffle, the ex-Tory chairman was contacted by Wu-Tang Clan founder RZA, who officially invited him to enroll in the Staten Island rap clique.

Shapps said: “I am a man who enjoys inhabiting and exploring different personas and alter-egos. The Conversative party simply couldn’t deal with that side of me, but the Wu-Tang Clan is hugely supportive of it.”

RZA – aka Prince Rakeem aka Bobby Digital – said: “Here at the Wu-Tang Clan, we are always on the lookout for exciting new pseudonym creators.

“Especially if they have a massive collection of 80s martial arts films on VHS, which Grant Shapps surprisingly does.”

Wu member Ghostface Killah – aka Iron Man aka Pretty Toney – said: “Michael Green and Sebastian Fox both sound like small town estate agents, so I’d suggest that Grant think a bit more outside the box for his next alter-ego.

“He could perhaps dub himself Digital Marketah, Clikkbait Providah or even Wikipedia Tinkerah.

“Or maybe just Ol’ Tory Bastard.”