Liverpool bring back the lack of romance of the cup

LIVERPOOL has once again made the League Cup Final look like the end of a damaging relationship.

Like all tawdry episodes of ultimate self-loathing, it began in Exeter

The club had been with the competition longer than they would care to remember and treated it seriously despite most onlookers thinking they could do so much better. Some fear that Liverpool has got involved in so many league cups now that no decent competition will want them any more.

Footballologist Wayne Hayes said: “The final itself was like a divorce hearing, with a tedious, drawn out set of proceedings dragging on longer than anybody wanted and at the end of it one half fucked off with the silverware.

“Although the record books will say that Liverpool won, both teams will know deep down that there could only ever be different levels of losing by this stage.

“And when Liverpool get drunk at dinner parties and loudly boast that they ‘took that bitch Cardiff for everything they had’ people are going to wonder why they seem so proud.”

The affair started back in August with a Wednesday night in Exeter many thought was just a meaningless flirtation with the competition. Even after another midweek jaunt to the seaside with Brighton in September, they were still insisting there was nothing serious between themselves and the cup.

But by the fourth round, Liverpool were told they had to decide between the Premier League and the League Cup and surprised everybody by saying they would stand by the League Cup no matter what everybody said about it.

Hayes aded: “It’s not a bad competition and I’m sure there’s a club out there that would be proud to be seen with such a cup. But Liverpool parading it in an open top bus is like turning up for Christmas dinner at your mum’s with a prostitute.”