Men urged not to start fantasy football teams if they're just going to abandon them

MEN have been warned to take the responsibility of a fantasy football team seriously rather than walking away the moment it goes wrong. 

The plea comes as record numbers of fantasy teams find themselves without a manager just six weeks into the new season.

A spokesperson for the Fantasy Football League said: “Every man thinks they want a fantasy football team. They see how well their colleague Darren’s did last year and get all excited.

“But after the initial thrill of picking top strikers and filling out the midfield with Burnley players when you’ve run out of money, not everyone is prepared for the hard work, the care and the utter grinding boredom involved.

“A few injuries, a missed transfer window, Jesse Lingard played as a striker, and suddenly men walk away from their teams without a backward glance. It’s just not fair.”

Tom Logan said: “I lavished love and affection on ‘Your Mum Athletic’. I had such high hopes. But you don’t realise how much looking after they need.

“When I see their position in the office league it makes me ashamed. If I could put them in a sack of bricks and throw them in the canal, I would.”

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Should have gone on holiday earlier, shouldn't you, says everyone with kids

PARENTS have offered no sympathy whatsoever to stranded Thomas Cook holidaymakers because they should have gone in August like everyone else. 

More than 150,000 tourists will need to be flown home and hundreds of thousands of more will miss out on planned trips, which according to those with school-age children serves them right.

Mother-of-three Susan Traherne said: “Thought you were clever, didn’t you, getting cheap flights and missing the crowds?

“We did ten days in an all-inclusive in Turkey in the summer and it was an absolute f*cking nightmare, but it’s better than spending 10 days in Ankara airport with a wheely bag for a pillow like a twat.

“Real bargain was it? Beaches would be empty would they? Well now it’ll be your desk at work that’s empty while you fight to get your phone charged so you can beg your boss not to fire you.

“Maybe you won’t get home. Maybe you’ll have to start a new life out there, washing dishes in a hotel and shagging German tourists. Wouldn’t bother me.”

She added: “Ruined your wedding abroad? Good. Mine was in Britain and ruined by rain.”