Monday, 19th April 2021

Middle class football fan prefers it without those dreadful crowds

A MAN who pretends to like football in order to impress other men has found his enjoyment of it unaffected by the ban on live crowds.

Stephen Malley introduces himself as an Aston Villa fan, despite the notable handicaps of living 150 miles from the stadium and not fully understanding the offside rule.

Malley said: “I don’t see the appeal of a packed ground on match day, the menu is always disappointing and you can never find an usher when the chap in front keeps standing up.

“Some say I’m less of a fan, just because I don’t enjoy the excessive noise and unsettling macho energy of the ground, and prefer to watch the game from the comfort of home.

“Or better still, simply Google the result on Monday morning in case anyone asks how ‘the lads’ got on at the weekend.

“Luckily we’re all in the same boat now. Lockdown really has been a great leveller for all us diehard soccer enthusiasts.”