Mourinho only 47 scapegoats away from blaming himself

CHELSEA boss Jose Mourinho is beginning to run out of people to blame for his side’s catastrophic title defence.

This week the Portuguese manager has turned his ire on Eden Hazard, Kurt Zouma and Leicester City’s ballboys, meaning he could be less than 50 scapegoats away from self awareness.

Chelsea fan Donna Sheridan said: “At first Jose blamed the FA, Rafa Benitez, and referees. Then he moved on to Arsene Wenger, the medical profession, and a gypsy curse initiated by Rafa Benitez.

“After we lost to Bournemouth it was fatigue, Cesc Fabregas, and a masonic lodge in the pay of Rafa Benitez.”

However, Mourinho is confident that he still has plenty of stooges left to shoulder the blame, adding: “For it to be my fault, I would have to be capable of making mistakes.

“I’m sure there are a few reserves I haven’t publicly shamed yet, and I’ve not even begun to talk about Avram Grant, wind farms, or food poisoning caused by Rafa Benitez.

“Also, we have millions of fans, so it could conceivably be the fault of any one of them.”

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Pub quiz not treated with appropriate level of seriousness

A PUB quiz team treated the event as if it were lighthearted fun, it has emerged.

Quiz regulars at the King George pub in Swindon, who attend every week because it is the highlight of their lives, expressed concern at the new team’s casual, frivolous approach.

Dedicated ‘quizzer’ Norman Steele is a member of the long-standing ‘The Beards’ quiz team. He said: “Everyone knows that the pub quiz is an intellectual gladiatorial arena of the utmost gravity. But there was a new group last night who didn’t even have a proper name, after dithering about it for ages they just called themselves ‘Darren’s Team’.

“They did not bring their own pen, nor did they make any attempt to conceal their answers by covetously shielding their answer sheet as if it were a precious gem.

“During the half-time interval one of them stood next to me in the toilet and straight out asked what was the name of Duran Duran’s first UK number one.

“I told him it was The Reflex, which is actually their second number one but it serves him right.”

‘Darren’s Team’ member Mary Fisher said: “None of us had even been to a pub quiz before and it was great fun, at least until we won. Then the room when deathly silent and somebody muttered about how ‘new people cannot win’.

“We took our £7 prize money and fled via the fire escape.”