NEWCASTLE United fans brushed off yesterday's defeat by Spurs insisting they have a fool-proof scheme to guarantee the club a place in next season's top flight.
With Sir Alan Shearer's team now firmly in the relegation zone, United fans have drawn-up plans to pretend the Championship is now the Premier League.
Shearer has backed the idea stressing that even if the club was to plummet to mid-table in the Conference North, the supporters would still be making travel arrangements for a lengthy Uefa Cup run.
Bill McKay, assistant secretary of the Toon Army supporters club, said: "Ipswich play in blue so they can be Chelsea or Everton.
"We'll have at least one of the Sheffields and no-one's ever entirely sure what league they're in, Derby can be Fulham and we could even pretend Coventry are still a proper football team
"Meanwhile Bristol City will from now on be known as Arsenal, Barnsley can pass for Man Utd if you squint hard enough and Notts Forest should make a perfectly decent Liverpool.
"And just like the old days we won't have to play small teams like Wigan, Stoke, Bolton, Portsmouth and Hull, so we can pretend they're still in the old second division."
United fan Tom Logan added: "Newcastle have the best fans in the Premier League, as anybody who watches Sky Sports knows. So we can't be relegated, otherwise we can't be the best fans in the Premier League. Right? Right? Please say that's right."