Notts County Backed By Creepy Conglomorate All Along

NOTTS County have admitted their mystery backer has been old man Qadbak Investments this whole time.

Daphne is a willing accomplice in Fred's constant and obsessive search for new forms of depravity

The FA's gang of teenage investigators has proved how millions of pounds were pumped into the club by embittered property investors who then tried to scare people away using fake ghosts, scary pirates and Sol Campbell.

One fan said: "The ground's haunted, I tells you. There's been 11 horrible monsters running around the pitch and terrifying people with their eerie moans and dreadful passing."
 
The gang arrived in Nottingham late on Saturday night in the Mystery Machine and immediately agreed to split up to look for clues such as glowing paint stains or traces of Arab in the boardroom.

Lead investigator Fred and his assistant Daphne were locked in the chairman's office for several hours with witnesses reporting a series of low, unearthly groans and a disembodied voice whispering 'I'm not doing that without some butter'.

Assistant investigator Shaggy said, 'Yoinks! Sol Campbell has like totally disappeared!' before eating a stack of 12 meat pies from the concession stand. His sidekick remained locked in the Mystery Machine as the County Ground only admits guide dogs.

The FA's groovy ethics gang finally captured the cause of Notts County's recent troubles using a convoluted series of nets, tripwires and audits for overseas investment, before attempting to remove Sven Goran Eriksson's grey, skeletal mask.

The gang's accountant Velma Dinkley said: "We kept pulling at his hair until we eventually accepted that he really does look like that.

"I'll be filing my official report to the FA but my initial assessment of their financial position is 'Jinkies!'."