‘Oi, Manuel! A Bit Less Racism And A Bit More Service, If You Don’t Mind’

BRITAIN  was united in outrage last night after formula one ace Lewis Hamilton was racially abused by the Spanish, of all people.

'I learn racism from a book'

Hamilton said he was disappointed by the fans' reaction, adding that he loved Spain even though the service was often slow and greasy.

Foreign secretary David Milliband has written to the mayor of Barcelona demanding an apology, a pint of Grolsch and the mixed grill.

"And, I'd like it today, if that's alright," he said. "Pronto, know what I mean? Not fuckin' mañana."

He added: "Are you ever going to finish that fuckin' cathedral, you lazy shits? Looks like it was built by the fuckin' Irish anyway."

Meanwhile angry British holidaymakers have pledged to order everything in a particularly loud voice when they invade the Costas this July.

Denys Hatton, who owns a timeshare near Marbella, said: "This is typical of the Spaniard.

"Last year my wife and I ordered the gammon steaks only to be told they had 'ran out'.

"We were then forced to eat a disgusting pile of rice, peas and incredibly fresh, succulent mussels cooked in a big frying pan. Savages."

A Spanish government spokesman said the incident was a misunderstanding and that the fans had painted their faces black to celebrate the festival of Santo Ignacio de Loyola.

He added: "It commemorates the day when Ignacio forced a black man to sit on a donkey before pushing them both off a cliff."