Poland And Ukraine Win Plumbing And Joinery Contracts For Euro 2012

IN a surprise announcement Uefa has awarded the lucrative plumbing and joinery contracts for the Euro 2012 football championships to Poland and Ukraine.

Italy was expected to walk away with the multi-billion dollar prize until a mishap at the Sardinian villa of Uefa President Michel Platini.

"They'd done a lovely job on the bathrooms, the marble looked great and and the water pressure was spot on. I therefore decided to christen my new facilities with a celebratory bowel movement.

The official logo for Euro 2012

"I flushed the toilet and the next thing I know I'm ankle-deep in my own foulness."

Platini added: "I spoke to Leonard Johansson, my predecessor, and he said he'd had some Poles in recently and invited me round to his house to have a look at his cloakroom. It was magnificent.

"I also noticed the beautiful balustrade on his staircase. He said a team of Ukrainians had installed it in two days at a price I could not believe."

"Don't get me wrong. Italian craftsmanship is really nice but we just want the job done with no fuss."

The Uefa chief said the Poles and Ukrainians had offered to provide extensive references but Platini told them "not to bother".