Professional football sickened by FIFA’s culture of greed

THE world of professional football has expressed its outrage at the ‘sickening’ greed of FIFA officials.

Players and managers said football was about perfecting a beautiful game and to pursue money so crudely was extremely distasteful.

Wayne Rooney, who is paid £50 per match plus his bus fare at Manchester United, said: “I train every day and then go home to my little terraced house, meanwhile these FIFA guys are buying huge mansions.

“They’re driving around in Bentleys while me and my wife Coleen look through the Littlewoods catalogue at all the things we would like to buy one day. Sometimes life is a struggle, but overall we’re very happy.”

Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo added: “Playing football is a great way to unwind after spending all week working on my uncle’s fishing boat. FIFA has lost touch with the simple life of the ordinary man.

“Of course it would be nice to be paid a bit more by Real Madrid, but I’m not complaining because I make enough money from gutting sardines. I now have a small flat and a moped.”

Chelsea manager and part-time coffee shop barista, Jose Mourinho, said: “I met one of these FIFA guys once. He was really flaunting his wealth to the point where I did start to get a bit jealous.

“But then I went back to my room at the Holiday Inn Express, opened a packet of complimentary shortbread and realised I was the luckiest man in the world.”