Russia Completes Potato Harvest In Time For Champions League Final

THE spring potato crop has been lifted and the pitch in Moscow's Luzhniki Stadium is now ready for the Champions League final, officials have confirmed.

Is good pitch, yes?

Teams of tractors spent all day turning over the rich, clay based soil, scooping out the hundreds of thousands of potatoes that will be used to build Russia's new generation of nuclear power stations.

Potato minister Oleg Bodorov said: "Is great day. Russia potato mountain grow big and proud and footballing pitch all lovely and bumpy in time for big match.

"As a boy I love to run on freshly dug field. Good for make strong knees and anklings."

He added: "Your players will have super-duper time and, who knows, maybe they find nice potato to take home?"

Meanwhile Sir Alex Ferguson has stepped up his psychological battle with Chelsea boss Avram Grant by claiming the entire Manchester United squad has been kidnapped by an evil witch.

He told a press conference in Moscow: "She flew in through a window and gathered them all up in a great big sack.

"On paper you would expect Chelsea to win this."