FOOTBALL pimp Sky Sports has been forced to withdraw claims that yesterday was super.
After 88 millionaires, watched by 150,000 spectators, played a total of 360 minutes of football with the result that not one single league position was altered in any way, experts dubbed January 16, 2011 as the most pointless thing to happen in football since Kieron Dyer.
Meanwhile broadcasting watchdogs said that by half time Sky should have rebranded its flagship sports show as either ‘questionable value for money Sunday’ or merely ‘Sunday’.
Commentary for the Birmingham derby was stopped for 30 minutes after viewers heard the sound of the pundits slumping across their desk, followed by the nauseating sound of a hungover, middle aged man snoring like a horse.
Footballologist, Wayne Hayes, said: “The devaluation of the word first started in 1998 when Sky broadcast a four-hour special of the ‘super’ coin tosses of the previous season.
“Following the model of 1920s German hyperinflation, I predict that by 2013, they will be forced to describe the second round draw for the Carling Cup as ‘Holy Shitting Fuckbeans Tuesday Afternoon’.”
“When a goal is scored, subscribers will be treated to the sound of Andy Gray stabbing himself to death with his own erection. Silver lining and all that.”
He added: “It’s made me realise that I’ve been wasting the short span of existence allotted to me by an indifferent universe on whether some arsehole I’ll never meet has a functioning hamstring ligament, rather than trying to find my place in its infinite parade of wonder.
“Still, it’s the City-Leicester replay tomorrow, so that should be good.”