Spanish interpreter battling to get Moyes to understand he’s sacked

A SPANISH interpreter is finding it impossible to communicate to David Moyes that he has been fired by Real Sociedad.

The club terminated Moyes’s contract after poor results, but is struggling to convey the message to the Scottish boss who has accumulated fewer than five words of Spanish in his 12 months in the country.

Read Sociedad’s interpreter, Jorge Acosta, said: “I’ve used every English term for ‘fired’ and ‘hopeless failure’ I can come up with but Moyes seems more committed to the job than ever. He came bouncing in this morning and started laying down cones.

“I’m starting to doubt my grasp of the English language.

“We handed him a leaving card but he just kept saying that we shouldn’t have and that his birthday was in April.”

Moyes famously avoided being sacked by Manchester United for three months by putting his fingers in his ears and humming, so Real Sociedad are facing the possibility that Moyes will continue to coach the side even after a new boss is brought in.

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

Woman has excellent home office for terrible career decision

A WOMAN has created a slick home office in which her plans to become self-employed are likely to fail.

Former accountant Emma Bradford has equipped her spare room with ergonomic office furniture, a stylish monitor and pleasing pot plants in a doomed attempt to become a freelance writer.

Bradford said: “Having the right environment will be crucial when the work starts pouring in. And while I’m waiting for that it’s a great place to drink coffee and listen to my new digital radio.

“Writers spend most of their time at their desk so I’ve bought an enormous curved one from Ikea, although at the moment I mostly use it to pretend I’m the captain of a spaceship when I get bored.

“I don’t want to be surrounded by clutter when I’m doing creative things like writing magazine articles, so spending £1,200 on a designer filing cabinet was definitely a good idea.”

Bradford gave up her job as an accountant two months ago after attending a one-day freelance writing course run by the Guardian, something she describes as “the best decision I ever made”.

She added: “No one’s actually called me yet, but when they do I’ll be able to take the call on my state-of-the-art cordless headset, even if I’m in the kitchen playing with the cat.”

Next story ›