Sports journalists urge calm about the new Maradona

FOOTBALL hacks have cautioned against over-hyping James Wilson, probably the most brilliant footballer of this or any generation.

Martin Bishop of the Mail on Sunday said: “We shouldn’t jump to conclusions based on what was basically a reserve-team friendly, but if James Wilson isn’t England captain by June then I’m personally putting Roy Hodgson’s head on a spike.”

Daily Express writer Roy Hobbs said: “It’s important not to overreact, but Wilson has to go to Brazil, if not in the starting eleven then as manager.

“Failing that, he should be made chairman of the FA, or possibly Duke of Edinburgh.”

“Without wanting to put too much pressure on his shoulders, if Wilson hasn’t single-handedly won us the greatest football accolade by the time he’s 20, he’s an acutely pathetic failure.”

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UK best at giving university places to absolutely anyone


THE UK is the best country in Europe for awarding a university place to anybody who would like one.

According to an international survey, the country’s education system scored highly on a series of key criteria including: creating lots of universities; realising the universities need to be filled; and making it impossible to not get a place at one of those universities.

Meanwhile, British schools were also judged to be very good at deciding for themselves what constitutes an acceptable level of literacy and numeracy and then using that to prove how splendid they are.

Education secretary Michael Gove said the results would get even better once pupils are doing the new A-level in Russell Brand, before going on to do a degree in Russell Brand at the £9,000 a year Russell Brand University of the East Midlands.