BRITAIN’S Olympic team need have no fear of rampaging bulls, it has been confirmed.
The team’s official kit is based on the flag of a mystery country amid fears the nation’s athletes could be attacked when a truckload of bulls inevitably overturns nearby.
Designer Stella McCartney said: “Red is a very dangerous colour. I feel sorry for the Chinese. A lot of them will be gored to death.
“To protect our athletes I chose the flag of the mystical country of Kintyria.
“When I was young my father would sing us songs about Kintyria and I always imagined it to be a wonderful place full of world-class rowers who could wander through a field of cattle with complete confidence.”
She added: “The bulls will escape and then burst into the stadium, snorting and scraping at the ground. Moments later the ground will be soaked with blood and that blood will be Chinese. Or possibly Canadian. Or Swiss.”
The non-British motif is also central to the kit for the non-British Olympic football team.
McCartney said: “If I’d just used the English flag then as well as bull attacks there would lots of tedious Scotsmen whining like bitches.”