Tennis pay should reflect society, says Djokovic

NOVAK Djokovic has declared that the gender pay gap that exists in the workplace should also apply to tennis.

Responding to suggestions that female players should receive less prize money than their male counterparts, Djokovic acknowledged that tennis had a responsibility to reflect the social roles of men and women.

The Wimbledon champion said: “Women should get 79 per cent of what men make, and they should also be subjected to continuous low-grade sexual harassment and be under-represented in positions of power. Why should tennis be different to any other job?

“Men are providers, which is why male tennis players should get all the money, and women tennis players should feed and clothe the ballboys and ballgirls and keep the changing rooms neat and tidy.

“Then, after we breadwinners come home after a hard day hitting tennis balls, they should bring us a nice cool glass of Lucozade and our comfy slippers.

“They can play their own tennis after they’ve cooked us dinner and washed up, so long as they stop the unladylike grunting and remember to smile more when they hit the ball.” 

After his comments were criticised, Djokovic explained that he was only joking and that women needed to get a sense of humour.

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Last man to say ‘Northern powerhouse’ unironically dies

THE only man who still believed that government initiatives would turn Barnsley into Europe’s answer to Palo Alto has died.

82-year-old Rotherham resident Roy Hobbs remained convinced by George Osborne’s vision of a revitalised North of England with such an amazing rail infrastructure its citizens could get to a well-paid job in London in less than 35 minutes.

It is believed that news of the proposed Leeds-Manchester road tunnel filled Hobbs with such optimistic joy his heart simply exploded.

Hobbs’ son Keith said: “My father had unshakeable faith in the Chancellor’s vision and never wavered from his conviction that a new £200 million cross-North transport smart-ticketing policy would convince Google to relocate its headquarters to Wakefield.

“Dad never once responded to waiting for a bus to Doncaster in the pouring rain for 40 minutes by muttering, ‘Northern Shitehouse, more like.’

“And while others greeted the news that the bakers in Keighley had run out of pies by quipping ‘Yet another great leap forward for the Northern Poorhouse’, he steadfastly refused to join in with their bitter laughter.”

Hobbs’ neighbour Tom Logan said: “He also believed that fitting starlings with microchips could create an avian internet hub, so he was basically a mad twat.”