Theresa May calls snap FA Cup Final

THE prime minister has announced that the FA Cup final will be played next weekend in the national interest. 

Theresa May said that continuing uncertainty about whether Chelsea or Arsenal would win the competition was damaging for Britain, so bringing it forward a month was ‘the responsible decision to make’.

The move contravenes Football Association laws and numerous previous statements by May, and is unequivocally opposed by the two clubs involved.

Football writer Joseph Turner said: “It’s a resolute and principled decision made irregardless of what the fans want which will cause huge inconvenience for everyone.

“But it will apparently give British teams a stronger hand in Europe and avoid a hard Champions League exit in 2019.”

Arsene Wenger has confirmed that even if he loses heavily, irreparably damaging his team, he will refuse to resign and blame the media.