United fans pool resources to throw season ticket onto pitch

A CONSORTIUM of United fans has bought a season ticket to throw onto the pitch in protest against David Moyes.

The collective has spent three months raising the necessary £66,700 and finally hit their target after Sunday’s loss against Chelsea.

Consortium leader Tom Booker said: “Watching the match against West Brom I was infuriated, and it was very exciting doing this thing ‘booing’ for the first time. I also did a fair bit of tutting.

“Then the man in the next seat, who it turns out used to support Everton until they stopped winning, reminded me about this tradition of the season ticket.”

Fundraising began with a car boot sale and tombola, but the bulk of the cash came from an auction of old programmes, trophies and a photo of José Mourinho signed “That was my fucking job you bastards”.

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Man who invested in Bitcoins almost able to explain what they are

A MAN who spent more than £50,000 on Bitcoins has embarked on a fresh attempt to explain them.

According to friends, Tom Logan revealed the hi-tech currency was both the ‘future of money’ and the ‘internet of things’.

But Logan’s friend Jane Thompson said: “At first Tom was very confident and explained how you can buy these things ‘really easily’.

“But as we asked more questions he became increasingly anxious and upset.”

She added: “I suggested the value of Bitcoins seemed to be completely arbitrary and then asked why it was different from investing in a fictional Portuguese holiday village.

“He smiled at me and asked if I had heard of ‘electric wallets’ but he soon found himself circling back towards ‘the future’.

“After 20 minutes he was interrupting all of our questions with ‘because of the computers!’ in what I felt was an unnecessary tone.”