Unpleasant foreigners ruin cricket again

FOREIGNERS have once again ruined cricket with their incessant showing-off, it has been confirmed.

What had begun as a perfectly nice game between England and a different country descended quickly into a disgrace as the foreign people competed openly.

A spokesman for English cricket said: “It’s a shame the unpleasant foreigners have done this to cricket. I’m just going to come right out and say it – I think they’ve been practising.

“We invented cricket as a way of channeling our unnatural desires. It was never supposed to become a sport, especially not one that people are good at.

“Anyway it’s completely ruined now so it’s best if we all just stop.”

England is now preparing to un-invent cricket and has asked all the foreign cricketing nations to stop playing immediately and return the equipment to Lord’s.


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Movie franchises to continue until end of universe

SCI-FI film franchises will continue for thousands of years after every person currently living has passed away, Hollywood has confirmed.

The Alien, Transformers and Terminator franchises are expected to produce sequels, prequels and reboots well into the 203rd century, long after all other aspects of our current civilisation are forgotten.

Producer Julian Cook said: “The Alien films invented the term quadrilogy, and with the newly announced series of more than 38,400 new films have invented the term quadrillionilogy.

“None of which will ever go back to the xenomorph home planet or have them invade Earth, because we know that’s what the fans really want to see.

“The new Terminator films, continuing a franchise which hasn’t been any good since 1991, will continue until we’ve developed the technology to send someone into the past, warning filmmakers to come up with some new effects-driven science-fiction concepts before it’s too late.

“But nobody will listen to him because he’s nude.”