ENGLAND has confessed to feeling just torn apart by Scotland’s failure to qualify for Euro 2016.
The country has sent its unfortunate Northern neighbour a rose and a tin of Quality Street in commiseration.
England said: “Such a shame, especially when Ireland, Wales, and even Northern Ireland will all be there and you’re going to miss out.
“And after that referendum last year, and electing all those nationalist MPs and it not making a blind bit of difference, it’s just blow after blow isn’t it?
“Honestly, I’d come up and say these words in person but I don’t think I could look you in the eye right now.
“Listen, don’t drown all your disappointment in alcohol, will you? You know how you get.”
Scotland has so far refused to answer, and is staring hard at the floor while clenching its fists.