CRAIG Bellamy has completed his loan move from Man City to Cardiff after tests confirmed him to be the Welshest man on the planet.
The Championship side had agreed to sign the tiny, agressive striker on condition his Welshness had not been diluted by time spent in cosmopolitan English cities like Manchester and Blackburn.
But tests found that Bellamy’s blood sample contained an even higher level of Boyoclorians than Cerys Matthews, Charlotte Church and unusually-named BBC reporter Wyre Davies.
Bellamy said: “It’s great to be back amongst people who won’t blink an eye when I get angry for no reason and blame everybody else for my fictional problems.
“I look forward to getting them in a drunken headlock and stressing how much I love them while punching them in the face over and over again.”
The striker will be officially unveiled to fans ahead of Saturday’s match against Doncaster with the traditional Crmhylchmych ceremony.
Bellamy will be carried onto the pitch atop the shield of an ancient chieftan before eating a raw daffodil and screaming violent, groundless complaints into the face of an English tourist for eight minutes without repetition or vowels.
Cardiff manager, Dave Jones, said Bellamy would bring some local pride and unprovoked fury back to the team, adding: “vwvbu sffh wh fbfwyfnwd jbgyngf.”