Yep, this is as ‘exciting’ as golf gets, confirm fans

GOLF fans are insisting that the Ryder Cup is a tense, explosive contest that will have even the golf-averse on the edge of their seats. 

The biennial contest between Europe and the United States, featuring no more than one golfer you have actually heard of, is apparently a white-knuckle thrill-ride as long as you judge it by the sport’s very, very low standards.

Fan Julian Cook said: “My heart’s racing, I barely slept last night, and I’m living from hole-to-hole. If you can’t get into this, I pity you.

“Yes, golf can often be restful. But this is end-to-end drama, as long as your idea of drama is a middle-aged man dressed for Casual Friday looking slightly put out as a ball rolls past a hole.

“If Roman gladiator fights happened in the modern age, they would be like this.”

Roofer Wayne Hayes said: “I bought into the hype. I tuned in expecting to see them racing in their carts, whacking wildly at each other with clubs, the lifeless body of Ian Poulter floating face-up in a water feature.

“So far it’s been golf.”