NK MARIBOR has finally put an end to Celtic’s Champions League campaign by removing its players’ heads and burning their remains.Tenacious
Undead Celtic seemed to have been defeated in the previous round by Legia Warsaw, only to rise from the dead when the Polish club’s back was turned and devour their brains.
They threatened to do the same to Maribor, but quick thinking on the part of goalscorer Marcos Tavares saw the Hoops knocked out of the Champions League for the second time this season.
Tavares said: “They were quite persistent, but they move slowly and don’t appear to be capable of thought.
“The hard part wasnt knocking them out, but making sure they stayed out, so I set fire to their heads using some UEFA paperwork as kindling.”
Celtic fan Bill McKay said: “The lads ran themselves into the ground tonight. They left their hearts on the pitch, and their legs, and bits of their heads.”
“It’s just a shame to see them reduced to a decaying, shambling wreck. This club used to stand for something. Now all they care about is brains.”
Scottish football is likely to face more undead trouble in the near future, when the reanimated corpse of Glasgow Rangers returns to the SPL next season.