ENGLAND’S official years of hurt counter has been reset from 56 to zero, operators have confirmed.
Following the Lionesses’ triumph yesterday, the device has been rolled back to nought and will remain so at least until the men’s team buggers everything up in Qatar.
Ryan Whittaker, who looks after the counter for the FA, said: “It was only last year that we added an extra digit, in anticipation of 100 or more years of hurt in our future.
“Now, if asked how long it had been since England won a major international football tournament I’d be able to point to it and say zero. Nil. Zilch. I’d have to measure the time in hours and minutes, which is f**k all.
“Zero years of hurt doesn’t really have any dramatic weight. If anything, chanting that in a stadium would sound like gloating. Nonetheless we’d have every right.
“Even if the lads f**k Qatar up, which now we’ve seen how a proper team does things seems increasingly likely, I reckon we could say that since it’s a joke tournament in a desert country in winter it doesn’t actually count.
“Really lifts the spirit seeing those zeros. Christ we were lucky Alexandra Popp injured herself though. She’d have wiped the floor with us.”
