WORRIED people don’t realise you are substantially more successful than they are? Make it clear with these topics:
The shortage of holiday homes in Cornwall
It’s a total nightmare, everything within two miles of Mousehole is being snapped up by bastard second-home owners. You, however, are in genuine need because little Noah’s sailing teacher says he’ll never make the Olympic team without ocean race experience.
Parking spaces are too small for your SUV
You’re obliged to drive down the middle of all the local roads to protect your shiny paintwork, but where are you supposed to actually stop? The spaces at Waitrose are simply not big enough, which is why you are forced to park horizontally across three of them at once.
Your partner’s PA wants to keep working from home
Your partner wants their PA back in the office, because it is status-enhancing to have a gatekeeper between them and the millennials who have returned to work to escape their crowded flatshares. The PA’s sob story about wanting to see her toddler is so unconvincing. Surely people have a nanny for that?
You can’t find an au pair because of Brexit
Formerly cheap as chips, or rather frites, you are now having to contemplate paying someone over £25,600 in order that they can enter the country. Which is a bit of a pain, but still better than the tedium of having to read your own child a bedtime story every evening.
You’ve got to get home to let the gardener in
Having staff is so awkward and constraining. The other day the gardener knocked the new pizza oven into the hot tub while turning the ride-on mower. Having perfect parallel stripes on the beautifully manicured lawn is almost more trouble than it’s worth.