MPs to debate massive disaster then do it anyway

MPS have welcomed plans to discuss Brexit in depth then just do it anyway.

Politicians have promised to have a rigorous debate but remain committed to morons who did not really care what they were voting for.

Labour MP Stephen Malley said: “I’m going to ask some pretty tough questions about Brexit but without upsetting anyone I want to vote for me.

“I intend to highlight the devastating consequences of Brexit, but not actually try to prevent them by calling for a vote.

“Job losses, falling tax revenues, damage to the NHS – these are all issues I intend to talk about before going home to see if I look good on Newsnight.”

Tory MP Donna Sheridan said: “I want to get to the facts about Brexit, because there’s hardly any information about it after months of intense discussion and analysis.

“I don’t want to alienate Leave voters so I’ll probably ask an insipid question like, ‘Can I ask for an assurance that cat sanctuaries will not be directly affected by Brexit?’

“Personally I’m opposed to Brexit but I can’t ignore the will of the people and I’m so loaded that it won’t affect me anyway.”

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Corbyn submits note from mum for Brexit debate

JEREMY Corbyn cannot take part in a parliamentary Brexit debate because of his asthma, a note from his mother has confirmed. 

Following the prime minister’s U-turn over a Brexit strategy debate, Corbyn’s office hand-delivered the note which excuses the Labour leader and suggests he could go to the Commons library and read instead. 

Speaker John Bercow said: “It’s not just Brexit. She’s also excused Jeremy from anything involving Russia, detailed discussion of budgeting apparently sets off his migraine, and of course he can’t be there when competitive sports comes up, not after last time. 

“I don’t see what makes him so special. He’s perfectly fine for any debate about Iraq or the miners’ strike, but mention the Northern Ireland peace agreement and he ‘thinks he’s going to be sick’. 

“I blame the members. They’re too bloody soft on him.” 

Corbyn’s spokesman Seamus Milne said: “Jeremy is very sensitive and has allergies that flare up if he has to take pro-EU positions, so he can’t. 

“Really the bullying at parliament doesn’t agree with him at all. If elected he’ll get rid of it.”