Richard Sharp receives invitation to the f**ked-by-Boris club

BBC chairman Richard Sharp has resigned and received his coveted invite to the f**ked-by-Boris luncheon club on the same day.

The former Goldman Sachs banker, who has been advised that asking for the job while arranging a £0.8 million loan for the person he was asking means he has perception problems, saw his gilt-edged invitation slide under the door the very moment he quit.

He said: “Apparently they meet in the City of London’s historic Guild Hall every Friday at 1pm. It used to be a room above a pub but membership’s grown exponentially.

“Petronella Wyatt emailed and said it’s casual dress as most of the girls are in next-to-nothing anyway, and there’s no free bar because usually attendees have lost substantial sums in qualifying for membership.

“I must say it’ll be nice to see Allegra Stratton again, and of course so many of the people involved in the Garden Bridge, the Leave campaign, and Partygate. Largely we’ll discuss how we didn’t think it would happen to us and what dickheads we were.

“There is an argument for the entire country to be invited, but the club’s strictly for those to whom he did it personally. Otherwise we’d have the whole of the Red Wall in.”

Later, Sharp is expected to say: “Rishi? What are you doing here?”

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Man has zero problem with being a rebound shag

A MAN has no qualms about being a meaningless hook up to distract from feelings of sadness so long as he is getting some, it has emerged.

Desperate bachelor Tom Logan is more than happy to be a purely physical rebound fling with recently single women because he has not got any action in a while.

He said: “Rebound sex has got a bad reputation but I don’t know why. The ladies temporarily feel better and I get my end away. Everyone’s a winner.

“And because I’m a bloke they don’t need to worry about me feeling like I’m being used. As long as I get to see some tits and blow my load then I’m happy. In fact the complete lack of emotional connection is preferable.

“The only risk is that they fall madly in love with me after our eight minutes of clumsy rutting. When that happens I just let her down gently and release her back into the wild for another sex-starved bloke to console. It’s a good system.”

Rebound shagger Joanna Kramer said: “My instinct is to call Tom a shallow pig for how he treats women. But because I’m the one initiating this scenario it’s actually very empowering.”