International

AMERICA was waiting with bated breath last night as Hillary Clinton signalled she may be about to fuck off.

AS the price of oil climbs towards $150 a barrel, the Third World has offered to teach Europe and America how to walk.

A MASSIVE silver dome should be placed over the Middle East until all the explosions have stopped, the UN secretary general said last night.

THE world's 800 million lesbians are to club together and set up their own country.

AUSTRIA'S chancellor has vowed to restore the country's international image with a £40 million 'Birthplace of Hitler' marketing campaign. 

SYRIA is to outsource its evil plotting to North Korea in a £3 billion deal to create the world's biggest terror brand.

THE socio-economic system which has governed much of the globe for over a century finally stopped working at around 9pm last night, the United Nations has confirmed.

BRITAIN'S xenophobes were last night celebrating the arrival of an enormous, foul-smelling metaphor wafting over the channel from continental Europe.

RUSSIAN President Vladimir Putin is to propose to his girlfriend at his favourite Moscow sushi restaurant, the Kremlin has announced. 

US televangelist Pat Robertson has branded the Pope a dangerous liberal and challenged him to prove his Christian credentials in a televised Jew-hating contest.