British Squirrels ‘Fattest In Europe’

BRITAIN now has the fattest squirrels in the European Union, according to new figures from the department of health.

'I suffer from low self-esteem'

The average adult grey squirrel now weighs more than three pounds, compared to less than one pound 20 years ago.

Health experts have blamed the squirrel fat surge on easy access to fast-nuts and an increasingly inactive lifestyle.

Dr Wayne Hayes, of the Institute for Squirrel Health, said: "Grey squirrels are just not as busy as they used to be.

"Rather than spend all day foraging for food and scampering away from cats, they stay indoors playing Red Squirrel Holocaust on the Wii and watching repeats of One Tree Hill."

He added: "There is certainly a problem with the high levels of fat and salt found in today's fast, easy nuts.

"But we also have to look at the way nuts are being marketed to impressionable young squirrels.

"Every time a new Disney film is released we see these squirrel-friendly characters emblazoned across tempting, fatty nut bundles, instead of low calorie leaves and roots."

The government is now considering a range of options including a nut tax, a TV advertising ban, and an increase in funding for Jamie Oliver's Fat Squirrel Taskforce.