Dog has shit

WORKERS at a Tesco superstore watched as a dog had a huge shit in the middle of their car park. 

The animal, which was about a year old, squatted down and then shuffled along a bit, depositing its faeces behind it.

Staff, who nicknamed the dog “shitter”, said they watched it closely as the dog did the shit.

Nikki Hollis, 26, a check-out assistant said: “I was on my break when Darren from the fish counter said he could see a dog taking a shit. So we went to have a look.”

Bill McKay, 56, a trolley collector, said: “I saw a bit of a crowd gathering so I went over, I asked Nikki what was going on and she said it was a dog, taking a shit.”

Store manager Wayne Hayes, 42, said: “I was in my office when I got a call from Ellen, the checkout supervisor who just said ‘get yourself down here now, a dog is having a shit’”.

Bakery worker Norman Steele, 34, was walking towards the store to start his shift when he got a text from Mr McKay saying “Where r u? Dog having shit. Gr8!”

A spokesman for Tesco said: “Our staff are trained to expect the unexpected. As soon as the dog had finished they wrapped the shit in a blanket and called the RSPCA.”

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Clinton Slump Shows U.S. Still Not Ready To Vote For A Harpie

AMERICANS may still not be ready to vote for an annoying, screechy harridan after Hillary Clinton's poor showing in the Iowa caucus.

Mrs Clinton nagged her way to third place in the primary vote, well behind two reasonable, even-tempered men.

She immediately complained loudly in a voice that sounded like a fork being dragged across a plate, before storming off to New Hampshire in a huff.

Wayne Hayes, professor of American Studies at Dundee University, said: "I think America is ready to vote for a woman, they're just not ready to vote for an absolutely ghastly woman.

"Perhaps the best we could hope for at this stage is a Stockard Channing or maybe even a Jessica Lange."

Professor Hayes added: "Barak Obama's victory in a deeply conservative, rural state such as Iowa suggests that more than a few voters are not taking this seriously."

Meanwhile the success of creationist candidate Mike Huckabee has forced his fellow Republicans into a bidding war over the most unscientific theory for the birth of the universe.

Mitt Romney now says the Earth was baked in a kiln owned by massive gypsies, while John McCain claims the universe is a huge savoy cabbage picked from God's organic vegetable patch.

This weekend Rudolph Giuliani, the former mayor of New York, will insist that the Earth was formed after two enormous planes crashed into the sun.