Famous People To Spend All Day Humping Goats

BRITAIN'S famous people are to spend much of their time engaged in base sexual practices after being given the go-ahead by a High Court judge.

This goat is working its way through the Cabinet

Yesterday's landmark ruling will allow some of the country's richest and most influential people to molest farmyard animals, free from the prying eyes of the media.

One senior governenment minister, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said: "I'm going to have sex with a goat – on a swing.

"I'm then going to marry the goat in the nude and add it to my harem of goat wives.

"Then I'll bend over and get a cow to lick my bum, while I put a finger to my mouth and pretend to look all surprised."

He added: "Does this mean I should not be in charge of a multi-billion pound department or be telling other people how to live their lives?

"Who cares? Not me, that's for sure – I'm the King of Goat Sex!"

The judgement was also welcomed by Britain's most respected celebrity goat humpers, including B** Mc***** and J**** *****-P****.

But Tom Logan, deputy sex editor of the Daily Mail said: "This is a crushing blow for our readership, many of whom are dependent on stories about C-list genitalia.

"But at least I will now be able to have sandpaper dragged across my buttocks by an Alan Hansen look-a-like in the privacy of my own caravan."