Flower Was Asking For It, Says Bee

A DAFFODIL who accused a Bumblebee of groping it in a public park was asking for it, the bee claimed last night. 

According to the bee it was flying on its normal route collecting pollen when it suddenly caught sight of bright yellow shape waving at it in the breeze.

As it flew over to take a closer look, the bee said the daffodil started to sway sexily from side to side before it opened up its petals and flashed its stamen.

The bee said: "I was just flying around minding my own business. Yes, I was looking for a bit of pollen if there was any on offer, but you tell me, what bee isn’t?

"I didn’t make the first move, it wasn’t me standing there with me bits flapping around in the air for everyone to see, filthy tart.

"If they aren’t up for a bit of action they shouldn’t flaunt themselves like that. I’m a normal red-blooded male. I was aroused. She led me on. I couldn’t stop myself."

Nikki Quinn, chair of the flower rights group Reclaim the Park, said bees had to recognise that when a daffodil said no, it meant no.

She said: "Every flower has to right to flap where it pleases, when it pleases, with as many stamens showing as it wants, without being pestered and molested by these pervert bees.

"We just do not accept that a bee is incapable of a little self-control, whatever the temptation, and if it is, then it can always go and visit those dirty begonias by the boating pool."

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ITV Fined £6m For Ant & Dec

ITV was last night fined a record £6m for Ant and Dec.

Media regulator Ofcom said the fine was by far the highest it had ever imposed, but still failed to reflect the full eye lacerating horror of Saturday Night Takeaway, Gameshow Marathon and Soapstar Superstar.

ITV was fined £1m for showing Gameshow Marathon, another £1m for broadcasting Soapstar Superstar and a whopping £3 million for Saturday Night Takeaway, which Ofcom chief executive Ed Richards described as 'a stinking pile of re-heated turd'.

Richards said: "People who have to stay in on a Saturday night and watch TV are friendless and vulnerable, we should be trying to make them love life again, not stick forks in their eyes and hang themselves.

"ITV is in a position of great trust and, for some reason, people turn to it expecting to see proper shows.

"They don’t expect to see a pair of unintelligible Geordie munchkins winking at each and grinning like a couple of retards."

Richards said ITV had shown a 'blatant disregard' for the note he sent them last year which read: "Stop making all this shit with Ant and Dec in it."

He added: "Britain’s Got Talent? I don't think so, otherwise why is everything on ITV fronted by this pair of charmless pricks?"