Hands Up Who Hasn't Shagged This Camel

A BEAUTIFUL camel who also claims to be a part-time model is really just a dirty skank who is mad for cock, one of her ex-boyfriends revealed last night. 

Osman Iqbal said he started dating Afia six weeks ago only to discover she was also sleeping with at least two of his close friends.

He accused his former lover of being a 'whore of the desert' who spreads her giant legs for a pint of water and a packet of medjool dates.

Iqbal said: "When I first see Afia I captivated by her beautiful dark eyes, her lovely smile and the sexy way she move. She also fantastic kisser.

"I lie with her most every night, she warm and generous and sensitive lover. It not my first time with camel but I not so experienced. She very patient.

"I ask her pose for pictures. I take nice shots, not dirty ones. I get her enter in Miss Camel World beauty contest in Abu Dhabi.

"But when I show Afia pictures my friends they all go 'ha, ha, ha, ha, ha' and say she  dirty camel bitch who do it with anyone round back of mosque at weekend.

He added: "Azaad, he say to me 'I have her many time, one time Fatih and me spit-roast her while Hasan film it on mobile phone'.

"If she win I put sex tape on the internet and tell News of World. There no way she get marry Bruce Forsyth then."

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Most Households Now Switching Energy Supplier Every 20 Minutes

MORE than 50% of British households are switching energy supplier three times an hour, according to an industry survey.

Regulator Ofgem said Britain has embraced the switching culture thanks to a combination of rising energy costs, price comparison websites and an endless stream of confusing bullshit.

The most popular reasons for changing supplier include boredom, concerns over the use of hybrid embryos and 'that funky black gospel choir with the shiny jumpsuits'.

Nikki Hollis, from Watford, said: "So far today we've been with Scottish Hydro, Southern Electric and nPower.

"But I've just been speaking to EDF who told me nPower make their electricity by squashing cats in a vice. I told them I'd have to think about it."

Wayne Hayes, from Chester, said: "I joined E-On because they said their Off-Peak Friendly-Juice was three times cheaper than Atlantic's PeakLife EcoMeter, but it turned out that was just a lot of shit they told me over the phone."

He added: "I'm planning to make some lunch using EDF, listen to Leona Lewis with British Gas and then switch to Ecotricity so I can watch Lark Rise to Candleford with something approaching a clear conscience."

Ofgem said there were now 8.6 million different tarriffs available from more than 16,000 different suppliers, most of whom also provide high-speed broadband, basket weaving lessons and a free pig.