May to send Article 50 letter strapped to a bulldog in a Spitfire

THERESA May will trigger Article 50 by strapping a letter to a no-nonsense bulldog that will fly to Brussels in a Spitfire.

Trevor the bulldog will take off from Seething Airfield in Norfolk, one of the most important RAF bases during the Battle of Britain. Before being placed in the aircraft he will be stroked by Dame Vera Lynn and a member of the public who won a raffle at a lovely village fete.

Trevor will parachute out of the Spitfire as it passes over the European Commission headquarters, before waddling heroically into the building in search of commission president Jean-Claude Juncker.

Trevor has been trained to find Juncker by sniffing a napkin that Theresa May stole from the lunch table at the most recent EU summit.

He will bark at Juncker until the bureaucrat takes the letter from a specially made leather pouch.

Trevor will then urinate for a full 30 seconds on the incredibly plush carpet before being transported back to London in a 1958 Morris Minor Traveller and one of the little ships that took part in the Dunkirk evacuation.

A European Commission spokesman said: “If the animal does not have a valid Pet Passport it will be quarantined indefinitely.”