Thursday, 22nd April 2021

Meditation industry in crisis as whales demand backdated royalties

MEDITATION music moguls say their companies face ruin after thousands of whales sued for backdated royalties.

The giant, furious mammals say they want to be recognised as 'credible artists' and are suing for breach of copyright and theft of intellectual property.

Martin Bishop, a humpback whale, said: “I spent years honing my clicks and whistles, only to have them exploited on albums such as Ocean Sounds Vol 73 and Whale Music to Snooze To.

“My echolocation was developed so I could find my child, not to help some fucker from Slough when his ‘nerves are playing up’.”

“We’re also seeing if we’ve got a case against Cafe Del Mar. We were doing ambient sounds way before the Ibiza chill-out albums.”

Meditation boss Julian Cook said: “We’ve tried using more compliant animals, such as seals, but it’s just not as relaxing.”