PETA tells Cadbury to free Creme Egg-laying chickens

ANIMAL rights group PETA has accused Cadbury of cruelty towards the chickens who lay Creme Eggs.

The activists claimed the eggs are laid by genetically-engineered semi-chocolate chickens and the conditions in the factory are so bad that some of the birds have melted because of the incredible heat.

Protestor Nikki Hollis said: “These chocolate chickens have feelings and emotions.

“They should be allowed to roam free in fields where their only natural predators are chunky ten-year-olds desperate to nibble on their chocolate beaks and thighs.

“Forcing them to lay constant Creme Eggs is sick. You can’t even make an omelette out of them. It just doesn’t work.”

A Cadburys spokesman insisted the eggs were not laid by genetically-engineered chocolate chickens, adding: “Yet.”

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Idiot pays five grand for a f**king number plate

A MAN has bought a personalised number plate to let everyone know how amazing he is.

Sean Hicks purchased the registration S3AN 1 for his Audi TT to highlight the fact he has been more successful than you and will continue to be so.

He said: “Now I have a number plate that vaguely resembles my name people will know that I am an outstanding human being.

“Actually my name is Dave but all the Dave plates had been taken. My wife suggested I buy ‘P3N 1S’ but I don’t see how that works.

“The most important thing is, other people will know that I am one of life’s winners and that makes it worth five, no, 50 grand.”

Driver Kelly Barnes, said: “I cannot believe people are stupid enough to spend thousands of pounds on a number plate. It’s insane.

“I’m in the process of changing my name by deed poll to RM15 WXP and it only costs £30.”