A CAT has set up a lucrative crack-style operation selling tinned tuna to other cats.
Ambitious feline Harry has been trading small portions of the irresistible fish for cash and valuables, with a callous disregard for cats who become hooked.
Harry said: “I get tuna from the cupboard, wrestle the ring-pull lid off and hide my stash in the garden so if the feds bust me I ain’t carrying. I got that from my owner Pete watching The Wire.
“Cats come from all over for their tuna fix, but they gotta bring cash from their owner’s house or valuables like a wind-up mouse. I don’t give credit, no matter how much they miaow.
“If a rival dealer tries to move in on my turf they get whacked, which in cat terms means an inconclusive tussle with a bit of scratching until they lose interest and wander off.”
He added: “The mad cheese I’m making means I can go to the pet shop and buy any squeaky toy I want. This collar I’m wearing cost £45. Suckers can’t afford that by catching mice.
“Sure, some cats get addicted to tuna but that ain’t my problem. I’m just a businessman meeting a demand. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”