SIR David Attenborough has called for new measures to protect wildlife ‘except wasps and midges who can just fuck off’.
The TV naturalist said: “If bees were to disappear from the face of the earth, humans would have just four years left to live. But if all the midges and wasps died, no-one would give a tuppenny shit.
“Seriously, what good have they ever done? Just flying around biting and stinging people like an absolute bag of dicks.”
Sir David urged new restrictions on plastic to protect marine life while calling for new and incredibly dangerous plastics that could be used to ‘fuck-up wasps and midges’.
He added: “Fuck ’em all. The little bastards. Ticks and fleas can fuck off too.”