PEOPLE get obsessed with their pets, to the point that they require others to believe the bullshit they’ve made up about them. Like this:

There are no bad dogs only bad owners

There may be some truth in this, but it’s usually said by the most judgemental dog owner in the park who conveniently hasn’t noticed that their cockerpoo Beau is growling at a crying toddler clutching an ice cream. ‘He’s just being friendly!’ they defensively exclaim when a furious parent eventually manages to attract their attention.

Horses are very emotionally intuitive

Are they? Having huge brown eyes with lovely long lashes doesn’t mean a horse silently understands your tragic heartbreak, it means they’ve evolved monocular vision to enable them to spot predators. And if they’re so intuitive and clever, why do they bolt three miles just because they’ve seen an umbrella?

He’s just like his dad

Some owners like to believe their pets are actually their babies, and even the fact that the pet is a guinea pig won’t convince them they don’t share genetic material. Having said that, Cookie’s ‘dad’ does have some eerie similarities to a rodent in that he spends all day looking vacant and chewing things.

Don’t worry, she’s only playing

Having spent two grand on a Maine Coon cat, your friend inevitably wants to show it off. However, when you get upset because it stalks you around the living room before giving you a nasty bite on the hand, they are quick to leap to its defence. It might be playing, but it’s still a huge, vicious bastard.

‘Dogs looking like their owners’ is a myth

Strangely, this is the one trope that pet owners go out of their way to discredit. Usually the ones who own a snorting, dribbling little pug with a face like a dropped pancake.