Agony Aunt: Dear Boris, Under no circumstances should you call someone a ‘fannybadger’

Dear Holly,
I was rather pleased with my witty remarks about Jeremy Corbyn, but apparently none of the filthy navvies who read The Sun know what a mugwump is. Can you help me come up with an insult that is more accessible to the ignorant underclasses?
Dear Boris,
My teacher says that we shouldn’t call each other nasty names because it’s horrid and under no circumstances should we shout in someone’s face ‘you are a humungous jobby-munching  fannybadger’ because that could possibly be construed as an act of aggression, unless you are my daddy talking to a parking warden, in which case it is absolutely fine.
Hope that helps,