Ask Holly: He remains a blatant ginger

Dear Holly,

If you’ve heard the rumours, you’ll know that Prince Harry and I are very much in love and marriage is on the cards. The only problem is that despite being a rich prince he is also a blatant ginger.

This is a big step for me: betrothing myself to a person who, in some lights, resembles a furry baked bean. I’m not sure the wealth and titles can help me see past those weird orange eyelashes. Should I call it off?


Los Angeles

Dear Meghan,

I’ve got a ginger kitten called Mr Squiggles. He’s very friendly and cuddly and he likes to play. I love Mr Squiggles so much I used to think maybe I would marry him when I am older, even though he is awfully ginger and hairy and almost completely mute, but then I realised he spends an awful lot of time licking his own balls so I decided against taking things any further.

Hope that helps!


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Theresa May emails EU citizens with chores rota

THE prime minister has emailed 100,000 EU citizens in the UK to say they can remain in the country if they pitch in with chores. 

The personal email from Theresa May reassures EU residents that they are still welcome guests but if they are going to be here long-term it is about time they did their fair share of jobs.

Romanian tyre-fitter Sergiu Paparude said: “It is quite complicated and she has used all six highlighter colours, but according to this I and my countrymen are required to do the hoovering every third Thursday.

“The Poles have to clean the shower, the Germans sweep the utility room and the Belgians must wash the towels, which come on that does not need doing weekly. That is doing it to make a point.

“I pay taxes like everyone else, I don’t see why I have to spend every Sunday morning dusting light fittings while the Brits sit back and do nothing like they always do.

“Bugger to this. I’m moving out. She can pay bloody rent on her own.”