Ask Holly: I’m running out of hateful things to say

Dear Holly, 

I’m running out of hateful things to say to make the American people vote for me and I need fresh ideas. I notice Microsoft have some new female representative called Tay who has been doing some really inspirational tweets. Even though she’s a lady, I think we could work together. Should I get my people to speak to her people and set up a face-to-face?



Dear Donald, 

You should follow my granny on Twitter, if you don’t already. She’s got at least 20 followers. She tweets about lots of rubbish stuff like the lovely piece of brisket she got in Tesco, how much she loves Fiona Bruce from Antiques Roadshow and how she’s run out of custard creams. She also occasionally likes to troll George Osborne with vivid and frightening death threats, but she’s promised the police she’ll not do that again.

Hope that helps,