Ask Holly: I'm suffering with a terrible sense of deja vu

Dear Holly,

I’m suffering with a terrible sense of deja vu. Any idea why?

Mary Berry

A big tent

Dear Mary,

I’ve got a French pen pal called Valerie. We write to each other often and discuss many things, which mostly involves providing directions to local services and asking for roadside assistance. Unfortunately I’ve had to stop writing to Valerie recently because she now despises all English people since Brexit, and I lack the vocabulary to condemn her government’s stance on swimwear.

Hope that helps,

Holly

Office has strange definition of ‘work hard, play hard’

A GROUP of colleagues who claim to work hard and play hard do not appear to do either, it has emerged.

Administrator Tom Logan has been told repeatedly about the ethos but has not seen any evidence of marathon drinking sessions, Class A drug use or anyone working particularly hard.

Logan said: “On my first day the boss said ‘We work hard and play hard here, Tom’ and everyone agreed. Then he left at 4pm to go to the garden centre.

“I was quite nervous because I thought I’d have to work incredibly hard. Also I’ve never taken cocaine so I was scared I’d do it wrong if they offered me some on a depraved night out at a bondage club.

“However after two months we’ve only been to the pub once and everyone left after two drinks. Even the laddish sales guy Pete didn’t fancy a session because he gets up early on Saturday to go cycling.

“I’ve also noticed everyone’s really slack about timekeeping. The HR woman does a full weekly shop every Tuesday morning because she says Sainsbury’s is quietest then.

Co-worker Nikki Hollis said: “At Graham’s leaving do I drank half a bottle of Banrock Station and knocked the peanuts over. That’s pretty hardcore, right?”